Thursday, 23 March 2017

The day after

I must admit I did think a bit about travelling into Bank station today. With my little prince. Only for a brief second , but still.
Its a price you pay I suppose, when you live in a big city like London. We're all targets, bricks in a bigger picture, run by our government and those in power.
Its a crazy time right now, don't you think? We've got a narcissist in power over in the US, a self elected Prime Minister in Mrs May over here in the UK, France as well as Sweden and I'm sure many more countries, is seeing a raise in nationalism. Sometimes it seems only Chancellor Merkel and the First PM of Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon are the only sane people in power. Oh and Justin Trudeau of course. He da bomb.

Spoke to my mother this morning. She didn't text or call me last night, said she'd "watched the news and there were no mentions of any Swedes being injured."
One part of me thinks, good on you - no need to panic, or call me. I don't work in the area so why worry?
Another part of me however, is a little bit hurt when asking if she was aware and  get the above answer. It would have been so nice to get a call.


Oh I don't know. We're all so different. All of us. What one person thinks is logical and a given, hasn't even crossed another persons mind.


There I go again. Rationalising behaviour that hurts me. I don't know if its healthy or totally mad, but that's what I do. Always trying to see it from the other persons viewpoint.

Oh well. I guess its good for .. user testing.


Laters all. Today I am pondering.



Monday, 6 March 2017

The house on the river ...

Its gone. The owner has found someone. Oh dear, is my heart broken? Is this how it feels?

I don't know.

It was always a bit of a risk, to rent a bigger place , that was a bit run down, with a super unresponsive landlord miles and miles away.
So I'm quietly OK with it. Now I can focus on our little house, and get those table tops made for the garden units, and figure out how to make our wardrobe function a bit better. At present its a mix of Ikea units and rails, with way to many clothes , everywhere. All mine. I am a clothes hoarder it seems.

We shall move onwards and upwards in our search for a bigger, better place - for the future. For now, we should really stay where we are as we love it. Our little tiny house.


Anyway. I just wanted to tell someone.

Laters
K x

Friday, 3 March 2017

life on and off skates

Its me again, sharing my thoughts with anyone who wants to listen, and where better than here, on the blog that has absolutely no followers? *nods*

I've joined my friend Kate Taylors amazing life coaching sessions. She hosts them as Facebook live sessions , and its so, so interesting. Scary too. I am scared I might have to deal with things I don't want to deal with. Like relationship issues, my low self belief, body issues and other things. What, I don't know.

Today we talked about how our surroundings are. Our work place, our home, and mostly our bedroom. What do we see when we go to bed, and wake up? Is it something positive, something that makes you feel good? And what's in our wardrobe? Anything that doesn't make you feel good when you wear it should go. And no skinny jeans for 'when I can get into them again'. Those jeans are not giving yourself a message that you're great just the way you are.
I will have a proper clear out this weekend for sure. Anything that doesn't fit, or make me feel good, will go to a charity, or H&M's recycling bank. BE PREPARED H&M.

I've also got my Roller derby rucksack in our bedroom, its just there, in a corner with all my skate gear ready to be worn. (Clean mind)
Lets be honest, when will I use that next? Not in the foreseeable future right? So why is it there?
Like a big bag of memories that doesn't make me particularly happy. Sure, I have good memories of roller derby, for sure. but the ending wasn't easy. The reasons to why I had to quit makes me sad. Still.
I compare it to work. When, in an ideal situation, you get back to work after a long break, pregnancy as an example, it is so important your work place give you some flexibility such as a staggered return (Which I got, thank god) the same job responsibilities of course, perhaps allowing you to do your 5 day week over 4 days, and help with child care, both financially (child vouchers) as well as flexibility in terms of dropping off and picking up your new family member from nursery. All of this I got from my work place. It was amazing.

When I started skating again, I was told I had to get the same attendance % as everyone else, even though my life circumstances were completely different to before. To get to practice during the week would mean rushing from the nursery, meet up with my D-dude, with a dog in tow, then help them getting to a station with easy access, then run back, get on the Victoria line,  and hope I'd get to practise on time.
Weekend practise would mean leaving my team at home, on their own a whole day, so less quality time with my little man. And my big man.

Some might argue why should parents have it easier than all the others? And that's a fair point. But think about this.
You have a skater, she is a woman. She might fall pregnant. She might chose not to, but this one did. She still wants to skate and add value to the team. If you allow her some flexibility to get back to her old skate self, and improve, she can still add value to a team. If you don't, she has to quit, completely, or just skate non-competitively.

What would be the best option.

Roller derby is all about female empowerment. Its the one sport where womens teams have a bigger scene and is 'taking a lead' , compared to the male teams. Wouldn't the one thing that differentiates us, (women carrying a child for 9 months) be something the sport, as a whole, could do with working with, not against.

Saturday, 25 February 2017

Nothing

I've heard nothing. Zero. How extremely frustrating!! But. nothing I can do about it so I have kind of let it go. A little bit. Whenever we go past I say a little hello and wish for the stars to shine on us a bit extra, and also to poke the owner and get him to realise what a find we are.

Anyway, that's not why I'm popping by. I'm going to get my big knee tattoo today. Or at least a start. It will be quite the exciting thing, mainly because I haven't seen what final designs looks like. Guess that's normal. Well, I know it is. You just have to trust the artist. Which I do. but I am also a bit of a control freak so I am slightly jittery already.

At four O'clock this afternoon is when we begin. Not sure how long time we need but the D-dude is coming in with our prince just after six so I guess a few hours. Got a 2nd session booked in in a couple of weeks.

I'll post the results here. Now, can i wear tights after today's session? Better google that shit.

Laters
K x

Saturday, 18 February 2017

keepin' on keeping on

Good morning Lovers and others.

Keeping on being ill is happening. I' am solely responsible for any revenue spurt over at the Klenex company, for sure. Where does all the snot come from?

I'm also still keeping on checking in on the lovely house on the river. Spoke to a friend last night, he lives around the corner and knows about the house, and was just like ' what have you got to loose?'
And that's true. If I come across as a stubborn never giving up type of person, well, that's perhaps not the most flattering attributes one can have, I think, but if it helps convincing the landlord that we would in fact be the best tenants he could ever ask for, then it might just be worth it.

On the other hand, the fact that he's so unresponsive might not be the best attribute to have as a landlord but then.. I think he's just not 100% sure if he really wants to 'give up on his house. But then his head might tell him, just rent it out now silly.

Its been empty for a few years. He should really just let us rent it and get some income from it. Perhaps not what he asked for originally, but a little less is better than nothing. Right? And we'll make sure its looked after so so well.


That's it. I'm going to send him another email.

Wish me luck.

K x

Saturday, 11 February 2017

phu

That's the sound I am making.

Listening to Leonard Cohen, thinking of Vincent and how sad life can be. And death. Death is definitely more sad than life, absolutely, but life can be pretty sad too.

Its hard times here at our house. We bicker. Argue. Don't understand, misunderstand each other over and over again. I feel worn out. I have no go in me. I can't pretend its all fine. I'm not English enough to carry on regardless as the saying goes.

I hope we can get back to how we used to be. It was way much nicer.

K x



Saturday, 4 February 2017

continum

I have nothing to report. Which is nothing new, but still, keep those fingers crossed.

In OTHER news, A has got a little baby cousin! We're meeting her this evening. EXCITE.

Laters, K x