Saturday, 3 February 2018

parenting ...

.. Parenting, parenting, parenting... 


That's definitely not one of my favourite words right now.

Where to start...? Do all parents feel like failures most of the time?

I have a 3 , soon 4 year old who tells me he "I like daddy, not you". 'i'm so angry with you',  he asks me to ' leave me alone mamma' and he hits me.
He does this about once a day. One time every day,  I get at least one of the above. Mixed up with 'Sorry mamma' and I love you mamma' of course. But its the other things that stick. They hurt and I feel sad, and mad. I do get mad. I tell him I don't appreciate it. I tell him it makes me sad.
I tell him off when he doesn't want to hold my hand when we are out and about. I get extra stressed when we are on the tube. I mean, we're about 2 m from a fast incoming train , at any given minute. it scares the shit out of me.
I have no patience. I scream and I shout , to myself, but of course he can hear me. I feel overwhelmed with every aspect of being a mother, running a house , with all that comes with it. Having a family that I want to provide for, that I NEED to provide for, with all that I can. I want to give them more that what I can now. I need to move upwards, and find a platform where I can strive. I have one, in a way, but I need more, bigger and better. Bigger and better me that is. I need to be better at everything.

Perhaps I'm not made for this life after all. I am not made to be a mother of a child , living in a big big city. I feel like a failure every day.

Monday, 8 January 2018

2018

lets all promise ourselves , and each other, to make this year a better year than the last one.

WHAT a year  2017 was. All the global scale dramas? I feel like I've been watching a horror movie from afar, fearing it would get closer and turn into reality.

Let's hope it doesn't. I hope Brexit goes away, and Kim, and Don and global warming. Sexism. Inequality. Knife crime, illness and malice. Everyone should just be nice to one another. Wouldn't that be ace?

K. lets do it.

x

Saturday, 16 December 2017

xmas drinks

So. Many. Xmas drinks. 5th one this week. Not been to all do's mind you, I just couldn't. I mean I could have but only after i'd gotten the gang back home, so to then go back out again, just wasn't an option. So. Tired.

We're going to Sweden on Tuesday, my prince and I. with the 7AM flight. From Gatwick. I mean. What was I thinking.

Anyway, had a lovely xmas do with our nearest team. One of us is leaving, which is sad. Some others are a bit.. over it. Also sad. I will have to pump up the energy next year,and get shit done. Need a pay rise, a promotion and some clear fun cool objectives and goals.

MISSION.

catch ya later, now I am off to North G, for a coffee then meet up with my chere D dude at London bridge. God knows where the pub is we're supposed to go to is. Hoping my Londoner knows.

Laters.
K x

Friday, 17 November 2017

My new sir name : Le burn

it sounds pretty good doesn't it? " Kitlizette Le Burn "

I like the sound of that.

I've unintentionally started to serve some burns to whoever feel like the target of my posts at
https://akakitlizette.tumblr.com/
hopefully I'll offend someone. Or not, who cares, really.

Tomorrow evening we go to Ware, me and my dog Dave. Seeing some friends, have a drink or two. Dinner because that's healthy. Hang. Then we go home the next day to hang more with our two favourite boys.  Not a bad weekend plan if you ask me.
Tonight is chill night. I was off yesterday. Stomach bug. Felt like I was going to faint on my way in to work. Got to work. Got sick. Had to take taxi home. Or an Uber as we call it now, me an the millennials. Managed to sort out child care and dog pick up/ drop off. Or the D Dude did I should say. Its not all just me me me sorting things out in our life.

I am a bit unfair on that one sometimes. Strut around thinking the world would stop without me. But it wouldn't. It would most def. just tick on as normal.

And ticking it is. A bit loud at the moment in my opinion? Bomb tics. Nobody is happy with whoever is in charge. Its all a bit uncomfortable , in most parts, right now.

Oh well. i'll just continue to poke and someday someone will listen. Better figure out what I want to say.


K. x


Wednesday, 8 November 2017

Things I like , right now






I mean. How much can you love a pair of boots?

I wouldn't be able to walk in them. I'd look like a pair of giant legs, wobbly and just tragic. So I will love them from a distance. Its the flames. Dem flames.

I also love Rihanna, and Sia , King Krule because of his fantastic oddness and i also love the little fire I have in me about creating stuff. And my job too. And of course my prince and main D-dude. And Dave the dog. Its all about love, really.

Kit x

Btw, this is where you can get the boots of the century. Bargain too!

Friday, 3 November 2017

People are so strange

Just had a guy, buzzing for our office, to tell me he had a delivery for us, it was up on the3rd, or maybe 4th floor.
Then he walked off, I could see him on the other side of the road from my desk (We're on street level),  so went out to the main door and got his attention.

"Yeah we got a delivery for you, its upstairs, on the 3rd floor, or maybe in the top floor flat. What do you want me to do about it?'

.. I just thought. Whenever I open for a courier and take someone elses' delivery, I go up with it to them. OR let them know whenever they pass by our floor. And I certainly never asks 'What do you want me to do about it' in an passive aggressive tone.

People are so strange. Why can't everyone just be nice. 

"What you want me to do about it?"
Fuck off. Ok, sorry, that wasn't very nice.

Anyway, this weekend we have svenska skolan, then sleep over with J from Sweden and then, come Sunday. This one is going to clear out the attic, lay down some flooring (in same attic) and then get all the stuff that is worth keeping, back up there. PROJECT.

Laters.
K x 

Tuesday, 17 October 2017

cough cough

Again. Or is it again? I feel SO GUILTY if I'm at home ill. I had a cold last week, was home for one day, oh and the day prior I left earlier on recommendation from my boss. My sneezes was taking over the conversations. Then sofa time the day after and then I went back in. I didn't have anything super urgent or pressing, but I felt so bad for being ill.
Cue this week, still sniffly and of course I developed a nasty chesty cough. Its not the first time either, so i should have known. I should have taken some time to get 100% fine and THEN gone back to work. But no no. I seem to think the world stops if I'm not in the office? What is that all about? Hybris?

Its boring, being ill. And I feel so guilty that I do a lot of chores around the house, so I'm not REALLY relaxing and resting up.

Today, I shall do nothing. well. I have to walk Dave, but that is it. No clearing out the attic. No sorting out all the laundry, nothing.

Another thing. James Corden's brown nosing. Totally destroyed the wonderful documentary about George Michael that aired last night. Bloody James Corden sitting there , tearful and pompus. Bah.

Now I rest. so long.

K

parenting ...

.. Parenting, parenting, parenting...  That's definitely not one of my favourite words right now. Where to start...? Do all parents ...